You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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