does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
