you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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