Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
