I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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