he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
