I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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