That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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