I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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