all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
