3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
