The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
