I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
