the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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