well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
