Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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