remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
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I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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