You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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