East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
