The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
