i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
