Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
