omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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