Can i not drive my cunt home
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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