I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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