Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
