we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
