I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"