When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.