The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
