My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
