Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sarcasm needs its own font
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
