I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
