Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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