There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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