Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
