Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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