My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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