he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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