I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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