I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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