i was born a porn star she said
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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