we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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