Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didn't notice because vodka
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize