Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
