Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
