Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
