We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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