worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
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I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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