Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
