I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
