I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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