she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
