It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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