Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We left the knife in your bed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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