Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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