Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
