There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
only you would photoshop your dick
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
